Archive for the Guild drama Category

I Have No Words To Describe This…

Posted in Guild drama, Katie, Scarshield Legion, Weird, World of Warcraft with tags , , , , , on August 19, 2009 by mmoredrama

I am flabbergasted. Maybe you will understand why if you enlarge the below picture:

fbook

It appears that a guild, “Homeland” of Scarshield Legion, aren’t getting as much publicity as they hoped for – thus, made the entrepreneurial decision to advertise themselves on Facebook.

So, I checked out the website that was being advertised, thinking “They’re paying advertising fees – they must be a pretty big and potentially famous guild that I’ve never heard of”. Not at all. This guild has 38 members, the majority below level 30, and their biggest feat in terms of raiding so far was an Onyxia run a couple of weeks ago.

“Bizarre!” thought I, and so I went along to the Facebook website and discovered this:

“The minimum budget is US $1.00 a day.”

Assuming the current rate of exchange is $1.00 = £0.50 (a rough estimate), this equates to £15.00 MINIMUM per month. Seems a bit of money to pay for a glorified levelling guild to get a little extra publicity, especially when it doesn’t seem they’ve attempted any of the free methods available to advertise their guild, such as the realm forums or even guild recruitment.

But I most recommend you check out the website. It’s rather unusual to see such effort put into a guild like this. It’s almost eerie. In particular, take a look at the guild history and the elaborate ranking structure. It appears that the GM feels he is running a company, not a levelling guild.

I just feel like words cannot do justice to the weirdness of all of this.

– Katie

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Vewy embawassing

Posted in Deathwing, Guild drama, Katie, PvE drama, Realm drama with tags , , , , , , , , , , on August 10, 2009 by mmoredrama

embarrassingOnce upon a time, on the realm of Deathwing EU, the guild of <Lockdown> were the most successful, astounding guild that had ever been seen in Azeroth. All wearing their shiney gear in Orgimmar, flexing at the poor peons around them who had never seen the inner walls of Ulduar or even Naxxrammas, Lockdown members were proud to be heroes. So proud in fact, that they were devastated to be selfishly killing the monsters of the world without giving anything back to the community.

All of those lowly peons of Orgimmar would never get to feel the satisfaction of the Ulduar greats falling to their knees (or running back to a certain spot in the room and inviting them to open a chest). Lockdown couldn’t continue to be so victorious and worthy without contributing their fair share to those that would never get to see these marvellous events directly.

“What are we going to do?” squealed the guild master at his minions. “We can’t forget about all of the ‘little people’ that have helped us become the greatest guild on Deathwing! We must do something!”

But nobody could think of anything. They sat in the old guild hall for quite some time, until the sun began to rise outside and the embers of the wooden fire began to crackle and fade away. And then…

“I’ve got it, mon!” called out a troll, excited. “We could invite them to come with us!”

“No, that will never work,” the guild master sighed, placing his corroding head into his rotten hands (he was undead, if you didn’t get it). “Only so many people can enter the dungeon. It’s always been that way.” Nobody knew why, but it was true, so they went back to thinking.

The door to the guild hall creaked open. An elderly tauren hobbled into the room, using his old staff as a walking stick. The guild members looked at him in dismay. Who was this tauren and why had he just invited himself into the room?

He said, “I was standing outside the door. I heard your discussion, and I think I have the perfect answer.”

“You do?” the guild master squeaked, excited. The tauren looked senile, but maybe he had an idea. It was worth finding out.

“Yes,” the tauren replied. “You should make a live stream of the events. You can blast them onto a huge screen in the middle of Orgrimmar for everybody to see. Use trade channel to advertise, or even spam. People must see your success. They must be able to share that glory with you.”

“That’s it!” grinned the guild master. “It’s perfect!” He pointed at a random number of trolls and orcs. “You, sort out the live streaming. You!” He pointed at a level one blood elf. “You start spamming trade chat with our mission – to show the realm our kill of Vezax on hard mode! We will be famous! It’s perfect!”

And so, the plans were in motion. Lockdown rallied the troops, organised the magical screen to appear in the middle of Orgrimmar, and positioned a number of low levels in a city so that they could spam trade chat with links. And the day came. They stood in their formation with their prettiest garments on, with the strongest elixirs and the most reliable fighters. “It is time, men!” the guild leader rallied them before they charged into battle. “It is time to show everybody exactly what we are good at!”

Twenty five members of the Horde charged into battle with the trash before General Vezax (hardmode). They wiped. And they wiped again.

“Turn off the live stream!” called out an ashamed guild master. “Don’t let them see it!”

But it was too late. In Orgrimmar, a worthy and noble tauren druid, destined for many great things, had been one of the only ones in the very small crowd that had bothered to watch Lockdown’s attempts. Watching his heroes, he felt an innate disappointment not dissimilar to the emotional devastation of his level 80 birthday where he didn’t acquire any new shapeshift forms. The anger rose inside of him – all of the emotional investment in Lockdown, his heroes, his idols – was wasted! He needed revenge… It became his mission from that moment on to bring the truth about Lockdown to the masses.

==============

Posting progress on MMo-champ. Spamming tradechat for livestream. Wannabe Ensidia ? Now you only miss sponsors, fans and a community website.” Vewy embawassing indeedy-dums. Lockdown invited the server to watch their victory on a hardmode General Vezax, but couldn’t kill the trash and quickly turned off the live stream in an attempt to save their dignity… Seems Morani wasn’t willing to let it go though. Awesome.

– Katie

P.S. Please remember to check out the comments to this post. We love it when a person we have invited into our hearts and blog posts makes an actual appearance with comments and flames. Incarnia, a self-proclaimed maverick, gives her point of view on the whole “boob scandal” of Al’Akir. *munches*

UPDATE: Al’Akir boob drama – they got the server first, and now we get to see the goods

Posted in Al'Akir, Guild drama, Katie, Realm drama with tags , , , , , on August 8, 2009 by mmoredrama

As Daine mentioned before in this post, a civil war emerged on Al’Akir when a pretty lady named Incarnia offered a boobylicious incentive for her guild so they would work harder toget the server first Yogg+0. And joy of joys, Immersion managed to pull it out of the ballsack and get it done – all in the name of free soft porn, of course.

Well, you may have been conned by the minx as, although she’d previously stated it, she had an evil plan to avoid anybody seeing the full picture. Yes, as a music writer who obviously thinks she has a good chance of being famous one day, Incarnia ignored the fact that posting any picture at all on a realm forum to bribe a handful of horny boys to kill a boss faster is really quite geeky and might damage her reputation as a serious (or at least “cool”) musician, and explained that, “this picture is non harmful and something that I can stand for even in the future if questions arise and this picture was somehow to surface up.”

And, oh no, we weren’t expecting this at all. She didn’t deliver on her promise. SHOCKING AND COMPLETELY UNEXPECTED!

IWUVU IMMERSION

Besides the fact that this picture is complete emo and girlish in a bad way, there are a number of things about this picture that probably irritate people everywhere. The teenage boys who were looking forward to seeing the boobies of someone they’ve actually communicated with will of course be agitated by the fact that she didn’t even show cleavage – yes, there’s about as much skin on this picture as there is on the CBBC kiddy shows my cousin watches. The grammar police (including me) will be reeling at the many typos, dodgy sentence syntax errors and, ugh, the letter “U”. And yes, some people who think they’re feminists but actually stand for everything anti-feminism will bitch about the fact that the girl is giving us all a bad name.

A bit of an anti-climax, to say the least, but I’m not sure anybody expected anything else. The word “cocktease” is mentioned, she’s called “chicken shit”, and someone else pipes in, “the little girl posting pics with clouds and hearts… You’re pathetic.”
She probably would have done better to just post her damn boobs!

– Katie

How to apply to a raiding guild

Posted in Guild drama, Katie with tags , , , , on August 3, 2009 by mmoredrama

It’s not a habit of ours to make “How To…” posts, but whenever I stumble across a guild’s website, I find myself at the application section before anything else. After reading so many applications, I feel that I’m quite the pro at writing applications now. Plus, I’m one of those lucky folks who can say she’s never been rejected from a guild she’s taken the time to apply to. So, without further ado, I will use examples that I have stumbled across to give you some tips on how to make the perfect application.

It’s not an application, it’s an “apply“.

wrongwrongright

When you’re writing an application to a guild, its important to throw any good grasp of the English language that you may have out of the window. This means changing the noun “application” to the verb “apply” – and this is a pattern I encourage you to continue throughout your application.

Make up your own words.

damieint enthisusasm

As Damieint demonstrates here, it’s absolutely necessary for you to completely invent new words. Forget spell checkers, chuck your dictionary in the bin, and let your creative imagination do the rest. You never know what gems you might find, in Damieint’s case it was “enthisusasm” – a word that I personally will do my best to have implanted in the Oxford dictionary next year.

Don’t beat around the bush…

madden straightforward

In the example above, you will see a raider who knows exactly what he wants. He’s not going to waste time going into the minor details of his interest in the raiding guild, Neophyte – he wants what he wants, pure and simple. It’s important to use a minimal amount of words in your application to keep it short, sweet and choppy – the last thing you want to do is bore your potential new guild with any actual information about yourself!

…But when the time calls for it, don’t be afraid of going into detail.

madden 2muchinfo

Another prime example of Madden’s expertise at writing guild applications – this guy REALLY knows his stuff. As you can see here, Madden has found it necessary to give a bit more away to increase his application and make it really stand out. He has found the perfect balance, and learned exactly where the line of etiquette is.

Make your application stand out from the crowd.

rapsodie killed someone

After reading Rapsodie’s amazing application, it would be hard for the GM to reject this player. He has gone beyond the call of duty and admitted something not many of us would – don’t be afraid to do it, it will make your application stand out! Even if it includes confessing to a murder, do it. Rapsodie did, and I’m sure it paid off for him.

Use your politician skills.

dreathon irrelevant

Don’t want to answer a question? Do what Gordon Brown would do, and dodge that son of a bitch! Dreathon realised that his /played was a bit low, but instead of admitting that he was inexperienced, he used his application writing expertise to avoid admitting this hideous crime. I encourage you to use all of your secret political skills in order to paint the most appealing representation of yourself!

======================================

So, there you have it – the critical hints and tips required to make the application that will bag you your dream guild. You might want to share this powerful weapon with your friends, or keep it to yourself, but rest assured you will never be rejected from a guild again.

Coming next week…

How to make a good reply to an application!

Sneak preview:

Use as many smilies as you possibly can

peliqua smileyreply

All that and more coming up next time on Drama Llamas. Stay tuned, folks.

– Katie

GRL IRL!?

Posted in Conspiracy, Daine, Guild drama with tags , , , , , on August 3, 2009 by mmoredrama

I guess this inevitably had to be brought up on this blog as its own topic at some point, and seeing possibly one of the there-are-no-girls-on-the-internetfastest growing threads ever spawn on MMO-Champion I felt now would be a pretty good time to write about it. Now, I think I’m obviously relatively biased on this whole ‘girl gamers’ subject, being that I’m engaged to one that I may have met through the game. I guess to an extent that lumps me in with these guys that descend into a rabid collective of rampantly masturbating primates as soon as the subtle tones of a female are heard over Ventrilo. I’d consider myself to have slightly more tact though.

I fear this isn’t going to be as toxic and satirical as usual posts, but I’ll try my absolute bestest. The general consensus on girls joining guilds is that everyone will throw all of their toys out of the pram, either because they want to be the one to dick the hotty, or because they don’t want to get dicked over because of the hotty. Whether this girl is even hot or not is a whole different ballgame in itself, because generally chronic closet-dwellers that make up a vast proportion of the vocal playerbase have either pornography or their mothers to go by for comparison. In the infamous D&T scandal, both cards were brought in (comparing vaginas was possibly the most hilariously funny and out-of-line thing I’ve ever seen on the interwebs). Generally though, if it has breasts and a couple of holes it’s fair game for everyone to try their hardest to be the one to pass the checkered flag at the hallowed entrance to the afro clam. Compliments, money, epics and ingame flowers will be thrown at the potential bride-to-be as love declarations are made from the rooftops to try and bag this new and elusive creature. So, is recruiting a girl good or bad for your guild?

This thread seems to think they are THE DEVIL, at least to start with. As soon as a girl is invited, you have trouble on your hands. They’ll want to be an officer, they’ll be sleeping with the GM for epics and raid spots, they are terrible players and furthermore, filthy semen-gargling harlots. Well I’d say I’ve seen a couple of them on DB, Herlana lol. A rogue with full T6 and glaives that boasts 2k DPS on Archimonde, which they only achieved through Heroism, haste pots and the fight only having lasted 45 seconds at the point of the screenshot. I think it’s fair to say that due to being fervently fapped over, someone got a bit ahead of themselves. There was a gnome rogue back in my guild in vanilla who got spoonfed gear despite being on follow all the time and doing less overall damage than the healers over the course of an MC run. I don’t really need to say more, do I? I think it’s pretty unfair to lump them all into this one catergory though, as more often than not this is someone else’s fault.

Yup guys, it’s all on you, as this poster not-so-eloquently points out.

they cause drama BECAUSE of men, most of the guys don’t ever go outside let alone talking to girls (and i said most, not all) so as soon as they hear a female voice over ventrilo they go nuts, because behind a computer they feel safe and have that selfconfidence that don’t have irl, the girl is probably a normal girl, but nowadays any girl that it is not fat or very ugly is considered HOT by those men (or kids in some cases) so yea the men think they’re in love after the girl talked to them twice about the game, if your good people are like this you better keep girls out of the guild, because when the guys start going after the girl they will enjoy the game less.. which results in not giving 100%.

sad thing is they don’t need much to feel in love, just play one time with a girl and they will want to give her gold, materials, help of any kind, epics (ive seen guys passing on this epic that both a girl and a boy need just to make a point on her) etc, so yea girls cause drama, but it is usually not her fault (ive also met girls that take advantage of their situation and i think its good).

oh.. what about these guys that act like girls just to have that special consideration?.. i love em

ps. oh yea most of the times the girls aim to the gms, officers or people with some kind of power in the guild that ensures them raid spots (because most of them aint the best players in the world.. you know) or items.

Trufax m8z. Some girls will have this agenda where they’re deliberately going to be terrible and get carried through life, either because Daddy says his little princess was beautiful, or because a vast majority of WoW players wouldn’t know a breast if it hit them in the face and so hit on things they know to be female endlessly just to hopefully reach the holy land. I think Katie’s recent application was a pretty fair example as I pointed out in my last post. Let’s face it though, if guys who were just itching to score with anything didn’t play up to the fact that a girl was around and didn’t cause drama, demand they got loot, feed them loot and go batshit crazy as soon as one appeared, I imagine this whole retarded stereotype wouldn’t even exist. I’ll put my hand up and admit I was one of ‘those guys’ to a much lesser extent back when I was 16, 17… probably 18 and my need to get action outside of drunken school parties was far more evident, but I’d like to think I snapped out of it somewhere along the line 😦

Most girls are actually pretty decent, while not all will be fantastic players, neither are all guys. Some guys are flat out terrible at the game just the same. The New Expedition is full of women, some have been terrible for drama, some have been not so good at pulling the numbers, and some of them have been astounding. While I’d say the drama thing is probably less apparent in the Penis Owners Association, it’s not entirely free of it. Now, as much as it’d be in the vein of this blog to rip into various members of my guild in a loving and caring fashion, I’m not going to. I’m just going to agree with this guy (for the most part).

They generally:
* causes less drama
* swears less (if not at all)
* make good healers: patient, good at micro-management and multi tasking
* dislike melee-type classes
* dislike tanking
* couldn’t care less of stroking e-peen

By far the funniest thing to come out of this whole ‘grls in WoW’ phenomenon are the guys pretending to be women. Yes, I play female avatars, sue me. I have however never stooped to the level of actually pretending to be one IRL. As profitable as it can be. (Hai Jeniffer). Yes, some guys are so desperate for some lovin’ that they’ll even throw gold at something that might be a woman. In poker terms, I guess you could say he was just taking the pot odds and figuring that if he repeatedly throws money at this hand, he’ll eventually win one. Soltys, I salute your dedication to the cause of thrying to find any woman online to the point where you have indeed found one that is unattainable, and will happily announce that you’ll wait for their ‘occupier’ to die just to be with them. Such dedication and romance is hard to find these days, especially in a virtual environment, and so I feel the need to commend you.

I don’t know what you guys think of the whole thing, or this post even but then I don’t care what you think about that. Generally, I reckon if some guys weren’t so socially awkward that they only had one option for scoring, and thus drool relentlessly at the chance of scoring with that special guildy, then women generally wouldn’t be treated as completely different entitiess when it comes to gaming. As it stands though, it just leaves it far too open to abuse, both for shameless women who love to whore that attention, and for guys who are okay with leaving their one eyed milkman on the sidelines for a while just to get ahead. Bottom line is, if you need to fap over your dream woman that just got invited to the guild 5 minutes ago and is now the love of your life, at least make sure they’ve got a microphone first. And even if they do, beware that they’re not a pre-pubescent boy, sex offences are serious business.

-Daine

Time to bitch about TNE, again!

Posted in Agamaggan, Daine, Guild drama, Katie with tags , , , , , on July 27, 2009 by mmoredrama

Well, not really. After browsing their application forums repeatedly, and finding the chewing out of hunters really annoying (repeatedly), we decided that it’d be a good time to deal some swift justice. Or just troll. I’m not really sure what it’d count as.

Now, being as dedicated as we are, we organised a two pronged attack. Some good Armoury policing, while my co-worker diligently started formulating a plan for the front. You can see the results above, and we thought we did a pretty good job. We expected to get flamed to high hell, to have the post deleted and then have to post it elsewhere in a rage that we wouldn’t have our time and hard graft wasted on a recycle bin somewhere. Alas, things didn’t really pan out as planned, and confusion followed. Now, anyone who reads this regularly will realise that it’s a massively satirical take on pretty much everything we find. We’re not really massive trolls, we’re not idiots, but we do however enjoy the idiocy that the internet provides in ample quantity. I somehow feel that is perfectly represented by the fact that the most common search term used to find this blog is ‘girl putting in a tampon’. Both immensely chilling, and yet so apt. Anyhow, I digress.

The application was met with mixed reactions. Almost immediately, requests for pictures were thrown Katie’s way, the ’36D’ comment attracting as much attention as we expected. Never underestimate the power of femininity on the interwebs. We also attracted some pretty hateful comments:

On a whole different matter – this whole stuff is clearly just the bloggers version of a camwhore – you demand attention and gz you got your few mins of fame. Funny you have this big a beef with mr. TeJ when you basicly just is a worse version of him who does not even bring anything constructive with “I WANT ATTENTION” posts…
Anyways get some help, I will so hate when they find u somewhere and some sick journalist finds your blog and blame us for your lack of life.

This makes us sad, as we feel any sick journalist that used us as ammunition would be in denial of quite how sick they indeed were, as writing in an inflammatory or controversial fashion is the very essence of tabloid pap :(. Through IP pilfering, it was also suggested that mental help from a nearby practitioner is required, and we thank Noz for going to the effort of finding suitable accomodation for us. Thankfully, the Noble Fishmaster came to our aid, seeing the humour and taking our criticism in exactly the vein it was meant to be taken. Props to TEJ for teaching us the ways of really laying the smackdown on some foo’s. Yet somehow, SOMEHOW, from this precarious position of hostility that we expected to endure, Noz shockingly turned full circle and decided our mad effortz were worth an invite! Well, one of us anyway, my gender was questioned throughout, with an assault on the pinkness of my nipples another focal point of the defense. To be fair to them,the picture does raise a few questions looking at it, and my package is definitely not as well defined as I usually aim for in such pictures. This will be rectified in a future volume.

Claiming her invite, Katie moved into unknown territory, and the need for breasts in this guild became more apparent. Moera, having just turned 16, blatantly tried to cheat Katie out of her top by claiming to be 18, and asking about webcams. This was mirrored throughout the guild, with murmurs of ‘nipples’, ‘boobs’ and ‘D cup’ recognisable through the normal chatter. Unfortunately, we failed to grab screenshots of further conversation, but we were left with the failing that, while deprived of female company, these guys were actually fairly cool and had a somewhat valid reason for the harassment on their forums. Somewhat. Despite a pretty lengthy troll which was relatively offensive, these guys somehow managed to turn their original view of it and decide that they’d actually be fine with it all and chat in a civil fashion about the whole thing, along with offering to buy accounts to Recruit a Friend boost my fiance who they all now want to sleep with. The things I do for this blog. Although this is a pretty lame ending in terms of drama and hilarity, I think this ends with Human Race 1 – 0 Internet Stupidity.

-Daine

Time to bitch about TNE

Posted in Agamaggan, Guild drama, Katie, Realm drama with tags , , , , , on July 16, 2009 by mmoredrama

Anyone that knows anything about Daine as a person will be able to vouch for the fact that I must obviously find arrogance attractive. I love nothing more than a person who knows just how awesome they are. Sometimes, I even like misguided arrogance – I find it charming and endearing.

So, why do I hate “TNE”?

Nah guys, not The New Expedition… The Noble Europeans, a guild on Agamagagagaggan. They were amidst a certain realm forum drama post about a number of different guilds who all think they’re good but allegedly aren’t, and I was curious when I stumbled across the accusation that they flame a rival guild even in potential member’s applications. So I followed the link and found myself here at their webpage, checking out the application section to see if there was any juice.

And of course there were a few pieces of evidence to the claims, but I was no longer interested in that. I was interested in “TEJ”, or “The Elitist Jerk”, who replies to every single hunter application and a large number of other applications with torrents of humiliation, abuse and criticism.

I can’t help but detest people like this. I know, I know, I shouldn’t get wrapped up in the bullying nature of online trolls. This guy, who claims not to be affiliated with the guild, happily rips anybody to shreds that doesn’t have a perfect application.

Whether he’s affiliated with the guild or not, they happily allow him to post on their site. One guy even exposed the real player behind “TEJ” and was slammed by “Noz” (and the post was swiftly deleted), who seems to be the authority of the guild (although I’m not sure if he’s the GM), who said something along the lines of: “If we didn’t want him posting here, we’d ban his account. He makes some valid points.”

So, let’s see how valid his points are. This is the top 10 insulting comments that I could find of TEJ’s on the first few pages of applications. How this guy hasn’t died of stress yet when he gets so offended at the way other people play is beyond me.

10. “Goddamnit, l2read the fucking post and not the “HURR HURR UR OVER THE CAP” part, dipshit.”

9. “Congratulations, you have now reached the evolutionary level of a tapeworm.”

8. “Well fucking played, dipshit. What’s the matter, afraid people wouldn’t spot your blue and ilvl 200 gear with inferior enchants? This screams like “Boost my 3rd alt in naxx and carry it to Ulduar and ilvl 232 weapons”.”

7. “Now did you think I’d miss this golden opportunity to trash a dipshit’s terrible application?

Other than the idiotic “formatting” (read: unformatted walls of text) and spelling on the level of my little sister, there’s these pieces of extraordinary stupidity.”

6. “Get the fuck out of this game, seriously.”

5. “Jesus christ, where DO you find these dipshits?”

4. “Actually, do this wretched hive of scum and villainy of a server a favor and delete your characters and go back studying whatever the fuck you “study”.”

3. “Verdict: You are not a raider. You are a scrub with scrub friends who are lucky enough to gone past some scrubs’ scrub filters and raid with The Ninja Europeans.

Come back when you can show an iota of dedication and an IQ over that of my bellybutton lint.”

2. “HAHAHA OH WOW. Oh fucking wow. Someone hold me, I think I’m about to collapse from laughter. How the FUCK can someone play that long and still stay that fucking bad? Seriously.”

1. “Retards like you disgust me. GTFO of my WoW.”

…And the guild members themselves aren’t the most respectful bunch either. This is a great way, I’m sure, of encouraging people who respect you enough to want to dedicate their evenings to raiding with you to make applications. Keep some shit prick knobhead on the forums to humiliate any shred of dignity in anyone that gives you the compliment of an application. Why people continue to apply to this guild is beyond me, and I don’t give a tiny crap about people who say “Just because one person in the guild is a <bla bla>, doesn’t mean the whole guild is” or whatever, because these people continue to stick around in a guild that is totally up its own arse and pleased to be completely dreadful. I think I can happily brand them guilty by association, and assure anybody that may have stumbled on this post when googling this guild to do a bit of research before applying that I really, REALLY wouldn’t if you actually have any respect for yourself.

I like laughing at people as much as the next person, but this is just beyond fun in my opinion. I’m not in the slightest bit amused. It actually makes me feel a little bit sick.

– Katie